


this is la vie en rose

by Gbookworm1737



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Depression, Eating Disorders, Food Issues, Heavy Angst, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Insecure Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, Pepper Potts Is a Good Bro, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Starvation, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, Top Bucky Barnes, Top Steve Rogers, but the accords never happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-01-05 23:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18376100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gbookworm1737/pseuds/Gbookworm1737
Summary: He flipped the phone screen and went to the only contact on the list. His finger hovered over the button. Rhodey glanced up through the window in the doorway and observed his best friend. He could barely look at Tony these days. He looked so fragile and lost.Rhodey pressed the button.Someone answered on the second ring. “Tony?”“It’s Rhodey,” the man stated, trying his best to tamper his anger. Whatever he felt regarding Steve was irrelevant. His priority was Tony. “I need you to come in.”“Where’s Tony? Is he alright?”“No.” Rhodey answered, voice trembling. “No Steve. Tony’s dying.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first stuckony piece that I've ever written. I honestly love this trio so much. 
> 
> That being said, this story has been on my mind for quite some time. Buckle up, it's going to be an angsty ride.

Tony had always imagined strolling the streets of Italy with his soulmates. The way he’d walk barefoot across the San Gennaro, the cool tiles relieving the heat of the humid weather. He imagined sitting outside the balcony, the summer air tousling his curly hair, and fingers intertwined with his soulmates. Maybe he'd be in the middle, so that they could gently steer him away from the kick knacks that were an obvious money grab. They’d be in Naples, where his mother was born. And Tony would think of her as well, wondering when she’d gather the courage to leave her husband. Maybe she would be traveling with them, running errands alongside the cobblestone pathway. She’d be wearing a pale daffodil dress that blew in the breeze. Yellow because Tony heard stories from relatives of how happy she was before she met Howard. And while she was always sweet with Tony, he knew from a young age that Maria’s smile never truly reached her eyes.

_“You are too clever for your own good,” She’d say as Tony showed her the Rubik’s cube he solved. “Now come, tesero” She murmured, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Put away your toys. I will show you how to make chicken cacciatore. Nothing like that supermarket stuff. It’s no good darling.”_

_“Mama when are we going to Italy?”_

_Maria combed her fingers through the boy’s hair. “I don’t know Anthony,” she murmured quietly. “Your father’s really busy right now with work. We’ll see about this summer.”_

_Tony already knew that meant no. “Can’t we go without papa?” He asked, blinking up at her. He gave his best puppy dog eyes that he always used on Jarvis when he wanted an extra slice of tiramisu._

_Maria wiped her hands off with a towel and gave a confused frown. “You don’t want him there?”_

_Tony shrugged his shoulders, eyes set to the floor. “I want to make chicken now.” He said._

_When he looked up at his mother, she had that sad look on her face. The same one she always concealed with a soft smile. “Okay tesero,” Her voice was quiet. She lifted Tony onto the stool and pinched his cheeks until he giggled. “Did you wash your hands?”_

_Tony held his hands out for inspection. Maria took them in hers. Tony noticed his mother’s bony fingers, and if he was honest, they scared him. His mother didn’t look like his friends’ mothers. Howard commented on her figure once. Something about putting meat on bones._

_Maria didn’t speak at dinner. Tony knew not to comment on her figure. He heard from Howard that women got sensitive about that. It didn’t matter to Tony. Even with bony fingers, her hands were always soft._

_Maria sniffed her son’s hands in search for the lingering smell of soap and nodded in approval. “Good job Anthony.” She made her way over to the island. “You know what I love about cooking?”_

_“What’s that mama?” Tony asked, dragging his stool to the island. He stepped up and watched as she cut the chicken. He scrunched his nose in disgust. Gross._

_“Food has the special ability to bring joy to our lives. When I’m happy, I love to celebrate with the right food.”_

_“That’s the best food?” Tony asked staring at the pink squishy chicken. There was a trail of juices underneath it when she moved it on the cutting board._

_“The best.” Maria confirmed. She caught her son’s expression and laughed. “Oh, Anthony. Well, it doesn’t look good now, but it will taste the exact same as the last time you had it.”_

_Tony doubted it, but when was his mother ever wrong? She placed the knife on the table and turned to the cupboard and pulled out a wine glass. Tony watched her pour a generous amount, her knuckles protruding like a skeleton._

_She took a long sip, and Tony watched. Her face was calm, her fingers tapping against the counter. Then her gaze landed on Tony and she smiled._

_The same smile that never reached her eyes._

To Tony’s knowledge, Maria never met her soulmate. There was no way in hell it was Howard. Sometimes, when he lay awake at night, Tony would feel guilty when he thought about how free his mother could have been had he never been born. Without the burden of a child, it would have been easier to leave New York and fly back to Italy.

_Back home._

Tony always wanted to live in Italy. It seemed like a tranquil place in comparison to the busy streets of New York. There would be no traffic noises or angry people bumping into you as you walked to work. Instead, neighbours would greet one another, and children would run around outside. Tony would listen to the birds as he sat outside on the balcony, covered in the shade. The days would be long and hot. He’d be in the process of unbuttoning his shirt when his soulmates stepped out onto the terrace. They would greet Tony with a kiss and a cup of coffee. He would inhale the aroma and feel a pleasurable sensation of warmth and familiarity all the way down to his toes.

He’d have the desire to nuzzle his partners' throats but would abruptly pause midway. A burning sensation of shame would overtake him, for he’d always been a needy little thing, seeking comfort and validation. The patio chair would creak, the noise disturbing the serenity that clouded them.

His soulmates would glance at Tony and smile softly. Their smiles were never mocking; in fact, it was fond. Something he’d never experienced before meeting them. Their arms would open as an invitation. They had to have known Tony was too prideful to ask himself.

Too prideful.

Too stubborn.

Too broken.

When Tony would finally crawl into their arms, he’d groan softly as the patio chair would dig into his side. His partner would adjust them. They wouldn’t say anything; they didn’t need to. Because actions always spoke louder than words and Tony just needed to feel another body pressing against his.

His father always spoke to him calmly at galas. But the pictures printed on the page the next day never revealed how tightly Howard gripped his shoulder, or the way he shoved Tony into the coffee table the night he caught his father drunk in bed with another woman.

But his soulmates' hands wouldn’t be like Howard’s hands. They weren’t deceitful, cruel or demanding. They were strong in the way that never made him feel intimidated or threated.

Safe

protected

_Reassured._

But none of that would ever happen.

Tony listened to the rhythmical beeping of the machine. He briefly wondered what it would be like if he held his breath and never released it. Regrettably, the doctors would probably get to him in time.

His eyes trailed to the window. Outside, there were city lights and boring, brown buildings. It was November which meant darkness swept over the sky before five o’clock.

He never felt happy during the winter months. To be frank, he couldn’t quite remember being happy during the summer either. Or the spring for that matter.

_What year is it?_

Tony turned his head. He tried to sit up but found the movement exhausting. He contemplated hitting the nurses’ button but decided against it. He licked his chapped lips and stared at the plate of jello, rice pudding, and bread in front of him.

Like that was an incentive to get him eating. It looked disgusting. Maria is probably rolling around in her grave as we speak. Tony grimaced at the thought of his mother. He didn’t want to think about her.

Or Steve.

Or Barnes.

Tony pushed the tray away forcefully and watched the plastic spoon fall to the floor. He pursed his lips and looked back out the window.

He wondered how he’d ever gotten to this point in his life.

_“Sometimes I think you’ll starve if I wasn’t bringing you food all the time.” Steve stated, dropping a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of Tony’s workbench._

_“You’re trying to keep me alive right?” Tony sassed. He stared at the sandwich, unimpressed._

_Steve shrugged his shoulders, looking sheepish. “I know I’m not much of a cook. Bucky was always better at that sort of thing.”_

_Tony took a bite into the sandwich. Considering he hadn’t eaten in twenty hours, it wasn’t terrible. “How’s that going? The search I mean.” Tony wiped his mouth of crumbs. He caught sight of Steve smiling down at him and promptly blushed, looking away. He didn’t like it when Steve looked at him like that. It did things to his poor damaged heart._

_“It’s good Tony. Tasha and I think we’ve got a lead. I’m going to be gone for a couple of months, two max.”_

_“Oh.” Tony said dumbly._

_Now Steve looked disheartened. “Tony, I know what we had-”_

_“Don’t worry about it Cap,” Tony interrupted, shrugging his shoulders. “Bucky’s your soulmate. He needs you.”_

_Steve looked torn. A part of Tony selfishly hoped Steve would call off the mission. That way they could go back to whatever they had before the winter soldier showed up. But that wasn’t fair. Nor was it entirely true. The truth was that Tony wanted to meet Bucky. He’d wanted to since he was six and he saw a Bucky bear in a comics bookstore showcase and begged Jarvis to buy it._

_He wanted to meet Bucky. But he wasn’t so sure Bucky would want to meet him._

_He couldn’t compare to what Steve and Bucky had._

_He didn’t fit._

_“Tony-”_

_“Steve seriously, I’m fine.” Tony pressed. He waved his hands in a shooing motion. “Thanks for the sandwich, now go save your boyfriend.”_

_Steve looked like he wanted to touch Tony’s shoulder but jerked his hand away at the last moment. Tony tried not to let the disappointment show._

_“Okay,” Steve said. “I’ll go. And I’ll call you Tony. When I can.”_

_Tony had already turned to his work. “Sure thing Cap.”_

_“Promise me you’ll eat, sleep, and shower. You know, all the basic human stuff?” Steve tried to joke but Tony could hear the underlying tone of worry in his voice._

_“Aye aye, captain.” Tony gave a lazy salute._

_“Seriously Tony.” Steve pressed. “I don’t want you passing out from dehydration or something like that.”_

_“I won’t. Promise. Now get moving, there’s a brainwashed assassin out there.”_

_“Right. I’ll- goodbye Tony. Or see you soon.”_

Pepper Potts stood in front of him, dressed in a white suit and red heels. Her eyes looked puffy as she sat down beside him. She’d recently had a baby with her soulmate Jonathon, some salesman she met in Long Island. They had a bouncy, bubbly baby girl named Charlie who Tony had yet to see. Who he may never see at this rate.

“Hey Tony,” Pepper greeted.

Tony stared at her.

“So, the doctor’s say your electrolytes are depleted. That’s why they had to give you this IV. They told me you struggled. Well, you’ve always been stubborn.”

Tony continued to watch her.

Pepper laughed. One of those hysterical laughs that made you change the pitch of your voice. “I think this is the longest you’ve ever gone without speaking huh?” There was a pregnant pause. Tony could hear her swallow, could see the way her jaw tightened. Her eyes looked glassy as she leaned forward; tone serious. “Tony, the doctors are concerned. Do you know what they’ll do if you keep acting this way?”

Tony blinked.

“I know Steve hurt you, but I really think that you should call him. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”

Tony jerked his head away from Pepper. She tried to hold his hand, but he pulled it closer to his body. Instead of taking offence, Pepper rested it on his back and rubbed soothing circles into his tense muscles.

He fell asleep within minutes.

Rhodey walked in the room ten minutes after Tony fell into a deep slumber. He motioned for Pepper to follow him out into the hall.

“Did you find it?” she asked once the door clicked shut. Rhodey held the flip phone in his hands.

“I don’t like this idea.” he stated. “How’s he doing in there?”

“Still not talking.” Pepper confirmed. She eyes the phone. “You sure this will work?”

Rhodey sighed. “It’s the only chance we have.”

He flipped the phone screen and went to the only contact on the list. His finger hovered over the button. Rhodey glanced up through the window in the doorway and observed his best friend. He could barely look at Tony these days. He looked so fragile and lost.

Rhodey pressed the button.

Someone answered on the second ring. “Tony?”

“It’s Rhodey,” the man stated, trying his best to tamper his anger. Whatever he felt regarding Steve was irrelevant. His priority was Tony. “I need you to come in.”

“Where’s Tony? Is he alright?”

“No.” Rhodey answered, voice trembling. “No Steve. Tony’s dying.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know I said I couldn't post till after exams but here we are.   
> Sooooo… enjoy <3

_“Big guy, suit of armour. Take that off, what are you?”_

_“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”_

_Everything felt like a blur. Tony finally getting to meet his childhood hero all while simultaneously managing to screw it up within seconds. But it wasn’t Tony’s fault; their personalities clashed instantly. Who knew Captain America was such a self-righteous prude?_

_“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you.”_

_“Bucky, right? That’s who you’re referring to?” Judging by the way Steve’s jaw ticked, Tony knew he’d hit the nail on the head. “Sorry about that by the way, fell off a train was it? Man, those screams must haunt you at night. You two were soulmates, right?”_

_He’d expected to be punched, maybe even thrown off the helicarrier. Instead, Steve turned around and walked out of the room._

_Tony admits, he may have taken that one a little too far. He didn’t know what came over him. Steve was someone he idealized for years. Yet, the man reads Tony’s file and suddenly he knows all his flaws? Like he’s fit to judge him?_

_It’s a defence mechanism, he realizes. When someone attacks your insecurities, you hit them back with their own. It’s a business tactic; all the good politicians use them. He’s been hit by worse insults._

_He didn’t know why it stung worse coming from Steve._

Tony woke up around seven-thirty. It felt odd to have a restful sleep. If he were at home, he’d be tinkering away at new prototypes. Instead, he laid in bed until the nurse walked in with a new set of flowers. Pink carnations. She gave Tony a big smile and asked how his day was.

Tony didn’t reply.

“Weather’s getting colder.” She commented, checking his IV drip. “I’d be happy to take this out if you started eating Mr. Stark. Are you going to cooperate?”

Silence.

The nurse sighed and went through her checklist.

“Are you experiencing any new pain?”

Tony shook his head.

“Any dizziness, nausea or vomiting?”

Maybe some of those. It wasn’t a big deal though. Tony shook his head.

The nurse gave him a pointed look. “You’ve been here for a couple of days now Mr. Stark. Your friends are worried about you.”

Tony licked his lips. The nurse handed him a foam cup of water. He took a sip. Another nurse came in. She was much younger than the first. Maybe right out of college. A bubbly blonde with a high ponytail and floral designs on her scrubs. She was carrying a tray of food. Tony scrunched his nose up in disgust. Porridge and orange juice. They had to be doing this on purpose.

The nurse caught his expression and chuckled. “It tastes better than it looks. Really good fibre that helps move things along. Speaking of, have you passed any stool?”

Tony shifted uncomfortably. The first nurse placed a hand on her hip. “Mr. Stark, we really want you to get better. Your charts say you haven’t eaten solid food in the last two days. How long has it been since you’ve had a proper meal?

No answer.

There was a shuffling noise. The nurses murmured to each other. Tony gaze fell on the window.

“Page Doctor Lee.”

Tony fell back asleep.

_Shortly after they’d defeated the Chitauri invasion, Fury had suggested they’d all move into the Stark Tower. Tony was all for it; there was enough space that people were close by, but far enough that no one could get too close. Romanoff and Barton were already dangerous enough with their telekinetic spy abilities._

_Tony sighed before knocking on the door to Steve’s room. It was best to get this over with. He wanted to settle things once and for all._

_The door opened to a barefoot super soldier in sweats and a muscle tee. He gave Tony an expectant look when the genius stared a little too long._

_Tony cleared his throat. “Can I come in?”_

_Steve shrugged his shoulders. “Sure.”_

_Tony stepped into the room, admiring the different artwork along the walls. “Howard always said you were quite the artist.” He commented, walking around the room. “These are pretty good.”_

_“You call your dad by his first name?” Steve questioned._

_Tony hummed. “Sure do Cap. And I mean it, you’re an exceptional artist.”_

_Steve crossed his arms over his chest. “Why do I get the feeling you’re mocking me?”_

_Tony held his hands up in surrender. Geez, this guy sure had a stick up his ass. “Not mocking. Look, I’m not good at this whole ‘playing nice spiel’. I think we can both agree that we said some things we didn’t mean. So, I’ve decided to let my inflated ego go and apologize for what I said a couple weeks back on the helicarrier.”_

_Steve snorted. “Inflated for sure.”_

_“Ouch cap.” Tony hissed, “You really know how to hit dirty. Alright, I deserved that one. Truce?”_

_Steve stared at Tony’s hand, then back up at him. His grip was firm, but his face softened. “Truce.”_

_“Good.” Tony smiled. “Now come on. Enough mopping, we’re making pizza.” Tony turned around to see Steve hadn’t moved. “You coming cap?” Steve hesitated, glancing at his sketchbooks before giving a slow nod and followed Tony out of his room towards the elevator. Tony slowed his pace, so they’d walk side-by-side._

_“Aren’t there twenty pizza stores within a couple blocks from here?”_

_“Twenty-nine specifically,” Tony corrected. “And nope cap, there’s no way we’re eating American pizza. We’re gonna make it the right way.”_

_“You’re Italian?” Steve asked, giving Tony a once over._

_“Part-Italian. Although I should take one of those DNA samples that tells you exactly where you come from. Pepper found out she was twelve percent Scandinavian, who new?” The two walked into the elevator. Tony pressed the button for the main floor. “Anyways, once you try mama Maria’s recipe, you’ll never look at American pizza the same way again.”_

_Steve smiled softly. “I’ll take your word for it, Tony.”_

_It was the first time Steve addressed him by his first name. Tony crossed his arms over his chest and tapped his index finger against his ribcage._

_Huh._

Ketosis. That’s what they called it. Something about your body using up fat cells because it lacked the proper amounts of glucose. Tony remembers reading that a man survived seventy days without eating before he died of diseases.

Seventy days.

It’s been five days since Tony was admitted. The nurse had recently checked on him, happy that Tony had eaten the soup she’d brought him. She’d probably brag to the other nurses about how she was saving Tony Stark’s life.

Tony flipped the sheets off his body. They smelt too clean. He hated hospitals. Tony missed the motor oil scent that clung to his graphic tee shirts. He missed his workshop and FRIDAY. Hell, he even missed DUM-E and U.

Tony planted his feet on the ground and stood up, mindful of the heat that rushed to his face. Briefly, he stood there, feeling dizzy, before proceeding to pull off the various wires attached to his body. The machine started beeping wildly, like an alarm. Tony barely made it to the chair before the blonde nurse rushed in, looking frantic.

“Mr. Stark what are you doing?” She asked but Tony raised his hand, a gesture for her to stop talking. He bent down to pick his clothes of the chair. “Sir, I can’t let you go. You need help.”

Tony ignored her, walking towards the door. He frowned when he was met with Doctor Lee.

“I see you’re up and moving.” She stated, cheerful. “You’re giving our nurses quite the scare Tony.”

Rhodey walked in carrying a coffee. “Tony, you’re up.” He stated, giving him a once over. He placed the coffee on the bedside table and placed his hands over his best friend’s arms, stabilizing him. “Talk to me buddy. What’s going on?”

Tony clutched the clothes tighter to his body.

Rhodey looked down and frowned. “Tones, you can leave until we get you to eat. You start cooperating and we’ll take you home okay?”

Tony shook his head, hissing at the way it made his brain feel fuzzy. He clutched the clothes tighter to his body and gave Rhodey his best puppy dog look.

Rhodey wasn’t buying it, but his grip loosened. “You’re not thinking clearly right now. Once you get better, we can hit up that doughnut store on 11th street. Get a vanilla sprinkle, your favourite.”

Tony tucked his head down, biting the inside of his cheeks hard. He felt his eyes well up with tears. Rhodey drew him into a hug, squishing Tony’s arms between his chest and Rhodey’s. The genius laid his head on Rhodey’s shoulder, ashamed that a few tears escaped, dropping on his best friend’s shirt.

_I don’t want to get better. I want to go home._

“I’ve got you.” Rhodey hushed. “Come on, let’s get you back in bed.”

And that’s when he saw them.

Peeking over Rhodey’s shoulder, Tony caught glimpse of Pepper taking to two men. Two oddly familiar men that occupied Tony’s thoughts when awake and nightmares when he slept.

_Captain’s shield. Tony raising his hands to block the hits._

Steve’s eyes trailed to Tony. Instinctively, Tony tensed up, fingers digging into Rhodey’s shoulder. His eyes flickered to Barnes’. Bucky’s eyes met his and the two stared at each other, motionless. Tony felt his face go hot, his body thrumming with shakes.

He barely had enough time to push Rhodey away, before he puked on the floor.

_When Tony came to, he was staring at Steve’s bright blue eyes, blown with adrenaline from battle and a mix of relief. He could hear distant chatter along with the ringing of cop cars and first responders in the background. He shifted minutely and felt the scrap of rubble against his metal armour._

_“What just happened?” he coughed, checking his surroundings. Thor stood beside him, looking exhausted himself. The green giant huffed as he paced back and forth. Tony’s eyes met Steve’s. “Please tell me nobody kissed me?”_

_A faint blush warmed Steve’s cheeks. He huffed out a laugh of disbelief. “We won.”_

_“Oh wow, good job.” Tony sighed, trying to lift his arm in a fist pump. “We did it guys. Hey, have any of you tried shawarma?” He asked, head dropping to the floor. “It’s really good. We should celebrate. Food anyone?”_

_“We have to debrief Tony.” Steve reminded, taking a knee. Tony examined the rips in the captain’s suit and the non-subtle way he was holding his left side. Tony immediately thought of a dozen ways to improve it. His fingers tapped against the pavement._

_“But, shawarma after?”_

When he opened his eyes, he was lying down. His mind felt foggy. It was like someone took his brain and blended it up to mush. He turned his head to the side. Steve sat off to the side, one leg crossed over the other. He looked like he was sketching something. Gone were those golden locks of sun. His hair was darker now, and he’d grown a beard. He still had the familiar pointy nose and furrowed brows.

Steve looked up.

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, pretending to sleep.

Shuffled noises. The sound of a chair scrapping against the tiles. A moment of silence before Steve said, “Tony, I know you’re awake.” His voice was rough, gravelly. It had a hard edge to it, not that Steve was ever a happy-go-lucky guy to begin with. But he never sounded like this.

 _Sombre_ , Tony thought.

Slowly, Tony opened his eyes. He felt bits of sleep cling to his eyelashes. Steve uncrossed his legs and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. His movements were jerky, like he didn’t know how to approach Tony. It’d been so long that Tony forgot how awkward Steve could be despite being a national icon.

He looked tired with his face set in a frown. It wasn’t the disappointed frown Steve often gave Tony when he skipped debriefing. The air felt thick with melancholy. As if someone kicked his favourite puppy.

“Tony, I-” Steve trailed off, eyes staring at Tony’s IV drip. “Rhodey called me in. Said you weren’t doing too good. I heard you haven’t been eating.”

Steve fiddled with his fingers. He does that when he’s nervous, Tony notes.

“God Tony, you’re so small.” Steve admonished, voice wavering. “Not that you were ever big- I mean you were never large; not like you didn’t have muscles. You had muscles Tony, a nice physique.”

_You’re rambling Steve._

“But you’ve just never been this- there’s nothing left Tony.” Steve choked, wiping at his eyes. “You’re just- you’re just so small.” He trailed off, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

Tony never saw Steve cry.

The sight was strange, he’ll admit. Steve was a superhero; he was Tony’s idol long before he even knew the man was still alive. Seeing Steve now, with his shoulders hunched, humanized him. Because the truth was, Tony always saw Steve as more worthy than himself- the man was always annoyingly perfect all the time.

Tony gazed out the window. He tried to picture the coloured houses in Naples. The summer breeze and the sounds of a low buzz from the heat bugs. His mind seemed to be drawing a blank. Everything felt cloudy.

Had they given him drugs?

He glanced down at his body. A new nightgown. Blue with white polka dots along with the hospital’s logo. It took him a while to remember that he threw up. He hoped that Rhodey was the one to change him.

“I kept writing you letters,” Steve said, bringing Tony’s attention back to him. “Pepper said she delivered them to you. She said you wouldn’t read them.”

_Why are you here Steve?_

“And that’s on me. I should have gone to see you. I just didn’t know if I should after what had happened.”

_You can say his name. I won’t blast my armour on him a second time._

“We went to visit Cho after- everything. Some place discreet in Maine. She’s been working on a project that we thought would help him. A bit out of her field of genetics, but she managed. He went into cyro for a couple of months. There’s still a couple of bugs, but she was able to reverse the brainwashing.”

Tony turned to Steve. How ironic was it that Steve was the chatterbox this time around? It was the first time in a year Tony had heard Steve speak. He hated that he missed the sound of his voice.

“Please Tony. Talk to me.”

There were so many things he wanted to say. The words tried to crawl up and out of his throat. But all he could do was stare. Seeing Steve brought up so many memories he’d been trying to eradicate from his mind. Why did Pepper tell him to come back?

Tony wanted to be alone.

Steve seemed to catch on as he leaned back into his chair, expression thoughtful. “Okay,” He whispered. “That’s okay Tony. You take your time. I’ll wait here. I won’t leave you- not again. I’m here.”

Tony closed his eyes once more. It took him longer to fall asleep, knowing that Steve was watching him. There came a time where he basked in Steve’s attention; something he sought out since the moment he met him.

There was a time were Tony would smile bashfully when he felt Steve’s eyes on him. In bed, legs tangled together. Tony’s head would rest on Steve’s shoulder and he’d trace equations on his chest. Steve would watch him with a smile and Tony would roll his eyes, divert the feelings of butterflies in his stomach by calling Steve a creep. Steve would snort and wrap his arms around Tony, nose buried into Tony’s curly locks.

Now, Steve’s presence felt like a disruption in his life. His eyes were closed, yet the feeling of Steve’s eyes on him remained. He was self-consciously aware of every move he made and stupidly thought of how ugly he must have looked.

He flipped on his side, back turned to Steve.

He heard Steve’s pencil brushing against the paper cease. Silence.

Tony drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd add a chapter early because of such the great feedback I've gotten so far! Glad you guys like the story. But seriously, now I can't post till after exams. I mean it this time... Hope you enjoyed the chapter!   
> Peace, cheers, love!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your patience of not getting a chapter in a month! Let me break it down for you. So there I was, a super excited smol bean who was ready to be done with my 30 page paper. Life was good. Then, all of a sudden, I open my laptop and it basically snaps in two. You best believe I wasn't happy. I drove my butt down to the nearest Best Buy and told them what happened. Little did I know the worst was yet to come. It took a week to fix and I lost all my school and story documents. Well, jokes on them because I saved this story on my USB. Is anyone else super scared when they hand in their computer and they ask for the password? Because I was legit sweating like, "what if they find my stuckony documents?". 
> 
> Anyways, here's the new chapter. I made it a little longer than the standard 2500, because I love yall. Enjoy!

_Tony placed the takeout container on the bedside table and plopped back down. He could practically feel Steve’s scowl as he occupied the chair across from him._

_“Tony, please try to sit still.” The soldier reprimanded, flipping his pencil to erase a section of his sketch._

_“Didn’t ask you to paint me like your French girls did I Cap?” Steve frowned in confusion, lifting his eyes from the page. Tony waved him off easily. “Never mind, we’ll watch the movie later.”_

_Steve leaned back, eyes flickering back to his drawing. “You asked me to help you sleep. Granted, I don’t understand how you’re still awake at this time in the first place.”_

_“Mind’s always coming up with ideas cap,” Tony stated, thumbs rhythmically tapping against his chest. “And it takes two to tango. Why are you still up?”_

_“Couldn’t sleep either I guess.” Steve replied, fingers brushing against the page._

_That’s how the two found each other. Tony was on his way to the kitchen from a twenty-hour binge when he bumped into the captain. A few months after settling into the Stark tower had eased Steve’s suspicions of Tony, yet the genius held firm in his belief that Steve’s head was screwed on a little too tight._

_How they ended up ordering take-out at two in the morning while Tony laid in bed and Steve sketched him was a mystery. How does one get from point A to point B? By crawling, walking or running? It felt like Tony took a train at full speed into Steve’s life, try as he might to hit the breaks._

_And why he developed a minor crush for the super soldier was beyond his knowledge. It didn’t make sense. Steve wasn’t in the right mindset to look for someone new, and there was always the possibility that Tony’s soulmates were still out there._

_His eyes focused back on Steve. “Do you miss him?”_

_“Everyday.” The man answered immediately. His brows furrowed as he brushed his fingers softly over the paper. It was silent for a minute before Steve spoke again. “People expect me to move on. To them, Buck’s been gone for decades. But I’ve only been awake for six months. To me, I’ve just lost him.”_

_Tony swallowed. That must be tough. Briefly, he remembers the conversation he had with Steve on the helicarrier. The guilt itches at his skin._

_“I’m sorry.” Tony says._

_Steve gives him a small smile. “It’s okay.”_

_It’s not. Everyone knew that Steve Rogers and James Buchanan Barnes were soulmates. And everyone knew what happened when a soulmate died. There were stories of people who went mad. Then there were people who purposely isolated themselves, refusing the possibility of encountering their soulmate, knowing full well if they died that it would send their other half into a crippling depression._

_After ten minutes of silence, Tony felt his eyes start to droop. “Alright, let’s stop tonight.” Steve announced, closing his sketchbook._

_Tony yawed in agreeance. “You can stay here if you want. Bed’s big enough.” He offered, patting the space beside him. “Might keep the nightmares at bay if you got company.”_

_He could practically feel Steve’s hesitation from across the room. Steve looked torn as he stood, before nodding his head in agreeance. “Thanks Tony.” He murmured, “I’ll just go use the washroom,” he mumbled heading off._

_When he returned, Steve silently slipped underneath the covers._

_Tony watched him settle. His mouth twitched comically as Steve brought the covers up to his chest. He laid in a basic soldier position; hands crossed in a prayer-like fashion over his sternum. Very 1940’s if you asked Tony._

_‘God what a virgin’ Tony thought to himself._

_Wait, was Steve a virgin? Surely not with a boyfriend like Bucky. After all, Bucky was the smoothest sailor in all of Brooklyn. Tony remembers the stories aunt Peggy told him as a child._

_The two were quiet for a couple minutes. Feeling uncomfortable in the silence, Tony turned to the super soldier. “Hey Steve?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“If you ever, you know, wanna talk about Bucky, I’m here to listen.”_

_Steve turned his head to the side and smiled. “He would’ve liked you.”_

_Tony arched an eyebrow in surprise. “Oh yeah?”_

_“Yeah, you’ve both got that sweet-talking charm that works on all the dames.” He chuckled. “Sorry, ladies. Even with the new technology, I seem to forget modern people don’t talk like that. Anyways, I’m sure you both would have a great time poking fun at each other.”_

_Tony shifted so that he was more comfortable on his side, arm tucked under the pillow while the other rested by his chest. “Well, I wasn’t going to say this, but I always preferred Bucky over you. No offence Cap. Guy just seemed like the life of the party.”_

_Steve chuckled. “I figured. You know, with you keeping a Bucky bear till you were what- twelve was it?”_

_Tony shot up from the bed like he’d been lit on fire. “blasphemy! Where did you get that information?”_

_Steve seemed unaffected by Tony’s outburst, eyes twinkling with mirth. “I never reveal my sources.”_

_Tony settled back down. “Goddammit Fury,” he grumbled, hoisting the covers over his shoulders. “You can never trust a guy who has one eye. And by the way, I was eleven when I got rid of that toy. In my defence, Bucky bear helped me fight off aliens and goons. It’s not my fault I have an overactive imagination, being a genius and all.”_

_“Sure Tony.”_

_“It’s true!”_

_“Mhm.” Steve was grinning now, eyes closed and facing the ceiling._

_Tony pursed his lips. “JARVIS, dim the lights to ten percent.”_

_“Yes sir.”_

_Tony snuggled into his pillow. “Night cap.” He mumbled._

_“Goodnight Tony.”_

Dawn painted the horizon in a speckled blue. The lights of the machine glowed in the room. Tony automatically glanced to the side, expecting to see Pepper. Instead, Steve laid in the hospital chair a few feet from Tony, head leaning forward that was sure to hurt once he woke up. He could hear the shuffling of nurses outside.

Then, movement from the corner of the room. Tony’s eyes snapped to the shadow by the window. The man wore dark jeans and a plain, black long-sleeved shirt. His hair was almost shoulder-length. A couple strands shadowed his face.

Surprisingly, Tony kept his composure, considering the last time he saw Barnes didn’t end so well. That night still runs circles in his mind. Tony’s overthought it to the point where he’d made up so many different scenarios it was hard believing which one was real.

But Barnes was real. He was here, staring at Tony.

Tony stared back.

Without dialogue, Tony could properly examine the man. The super soldier looked to have some stubble, but nowhere near as much facial hair as Steve acquired since the last time they met. The natural light from outside highlighted his strong jawline and full lips.

It was stupid really, but the two had inadvertently created a staring contest and there was no way Tony was going to lose. He kept his gaze void of emotion and stared at the brunette. Barnes arched an eyebrow, seeming to catch on.

They must have stared at each other for another five minutes before blondie -which was what he now coined the bubbly young nurse who’s name he’s long forgotten- walked in, breaking Bucky’s attention away from Tony. She carried a bowl of porridge with fresh fruit and orange juice. She took away Tony’s unfinished supper and checked his vitals.

“How are we feeling this morning Mr. Stark?”

Tony shrugged.

“Doctor Lee is going to see you at eight to discuss your…situation. We were hoping with your soulmates in the room it would help move things along.”

Tony glanced back at Barnes. The man shifted his gaze to the window, pretending not to listen.

“I’ll come back in an hour. I expect that porridge to be finished.” She chirped, patting his shoulder comfortingly. Tony watched her leave the room with a pep in her step.

Lordy, she was disgustingly cheerful.

“You should eat.”

Tony met Barnes’ steely gaze. His voice was soft, with a gruff edge to it. The genius felt his skin prickle with irritation.

Slowly, Tony placed his hand on the tray and inched his way to the bowl. He picked up the spoon, hearing the squelch of the porridge and brought the food close to his mouth, the bowl supported by his other hand. With his eyes trained on Barnes, he opened his mouth and paused. Then, he turned the utensil upside-down until the porridge plopped back into the bowl with a thud.

Barnes kept his eyes trained on Tony as the genius placed the spoon back in the bowl and pushed the tray away from his body.

Barnes walked out of the room.

Before Tony could bask in the satisfaction, the man returned, strolling up into Tony’s space. The genius tensed immediately, fingers hovering over the nurse’s button. Barnes’ eyes tracked the movement, pausing mid-step. He raised his hands slowly in surrender, showing two packets of sugar.

When it seemed he wasn’t a threat, the man grabbed the chair by the wall and gently placed it next to Tony’s bed.

“Stevie was right about ya.” Barnes murmured. “Got quite the attitude.”

Tony scowled. Still, he watched as the man ripped open two packets of sugar with his teeth and dumped them in his oatmeal. He picked the blueberries out from the fruit cup and plopped them into the bowl. He stirred the ingredients together and placed the plastic bowl back on the tray.

_A peace offering._

Tony pushed the tray away.

Barnes pushed it back.

Tony raised an eyebrow, jaw clicking. He pushed the tray away once more, sending a deathly glare at the ex-assassin.

“Look,” Barnes sighed. “I know ya don’t like me. There’s a lot I’d like to say, to apologize for. But I don’t want to be responsible for killing another person.”

_Oh, poor you._

“Because you are trying to kill yourself, aren’t you?” Tony turned his head to the side, giving Barnes his shoulder. “Stevie refused to believe it when I told him.”

Yeah well, Tony didn’t really give a damn what Steve thought anymore.

“I know what it’s like to be in that mindset.” Barnes whispered. Tony glanced back, holding his gaze. “And I’m telling you it’s not worth it. I know you think he chose me over you but it ain’t true.”

Tony snorted.

_He’s always going to choose you Barnes._

“He talks about you all the time.” He continued. “About your projects, your obsession with Italian food or how you can’t function in the morning without coffee.” Barnes lowered his gaze to the floor, voice soft. "And how close you were with your mom."

Tony dug his nails into his palms, the stinging pain becoming a distraction. He wished Barnes would stop talking. He didn’t like the man anymore than he liked Steve. They could be gone by sunrise as far as Tony was concerned. They were only here because they pitied him; because they were soulmates.

Life must have been a whole lot easier in the thirties when they didn’t have to worry about him.

Steve stirred beside him, slowly waking up. He looked disorientated, wiping at his eyes before settling on Tony. He gave a slow smile. “Hey, you’re up.” He turned to Barnes. “Morning Buck.”

“Morning Stevie.”

Tony glared at the wall. Steve threw a questioning glance at Barnes, who simply shook his head. “How’re you doing Tony?” Steve asked, scooting his chair closer to the bed. “Are the pillows comfortable? Do you need an adjustment?”

Tony picked the fuzz off his nightgown, refusing to meet their eyes.

“I see you’ve got some porridge this morning.” Steve noted, pointing at the bowl next to Barnes. “With some blueberries. That’s good. Nice antioxidants I hear.”

Tony squeezed his eyes shut.

“The doc is gonna come in and check on Tony at eight.” Bucky stated after a moment of silence in the room.

Steve gave him a tired smile. He slowly sank back into his chair. “Thanks Buck.”

_“And that, ladies and gents, is what I call a perfect frittata.” Tony announced._

_Clint eyes the dish wearily. “It just looks like a huge omelette.” He stated, reaching out to pick some spinach off the top._

_Tony smacked his hand. “Hands off birdbrain.” He scolded. “This is more than an omelette, this is perfection.”_

_“Always humble.” Natasha teased with a smile. “Is this everything?”_

_Tony placed a hand on his heart, feigning hurt. “You think this is all I’d serve you Romanoff? I’ve got some bruschetta and sautéed eggplants as well.”_

_As if on cue, Steve walked out of the kitchen holding two dishes in his hands. He placed the items on the dinner table. “This looks really good Tony.”_

_Tony bumped his shoulder playfully. “Couldn’t have done it without you Cap. Don’t be so modest.”_

_Steve scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I barely did anything.” Tony raised an eyebrow to which Steve blushed. “Alright, I did a couple of things.”_

_“Aww cap, red suits you.” Natasha joked._

_Before Steve could protest, Clint groaned loudly. “Don’t care who made what, I’m hungry.” He whined, pulling up a chair and plopping down. “Jarvis where’s Bruce?”_

_“Doctor Banner and Thor are currently in their shared room. I believe the term Mister Barton used was-”_

_“Mute Jarvis!” Clint shouted. “Alright we all know what those two bonders are doing. Let’s dig in.”_

_There was a collective clutter of forks ringing against plates as the dishes were passed around the table. Steve had just spooned eggplant when he raised an eyebrow at Tony. “Bonders?” He whispered._

_Tony had to lean in to hear the man. He felt his chest warm at Steve’s naivety to the twenty-first century. “It’s slang for soulmates. Your bonded becomes your bonders. Kinda stupid if you ask me. Pass the bruschetta?”_

_Steve reached out and grabbed the plate for Tony. “Do you uh- have a bonders? Bonded?”_

_Tony slid some eggplant onto his plate. “Nope.”_

_“Oh,” Steve murmured, face set in a frown. “I’m sorry.”_

_Tony gave a nonchalant shrug. “No biggie cap; happened to Howard. And I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” He could feel his skin itch and glanced up to meet Natasha’s knowing glance. He picked up the frittata and slide the food onto his plate._

_“I didn’t know that could happen.” Steve replied, voice earnest. “Here I am complaining about Bucky when you never had one to begin with.”_

_Tony felt a pang of guilt worm its way underneath his skin. He tapped the fingers of his right hand against his thigh while his left hand reached up to squeeze Steve’s shoulder._

_“You only have Bucky right?” Natasha chimed in, leaning back against her seat. Tony felt the hairs on his neck stick up and pointedly threw a glare at the assassin._

_“Actually,” Steve began, wiping his hands on his napkin before setting it on his lap. “I’ve got two.”_

_Clint whistled. “Well that’s something you don’t hear everyday. Have you met the other one?”_

_“No. I figured they’d be in their nineties by now. Buck and I always planned to find them; take them dancing. But then the war happened and Bucky…” Steve cleared his throat. “Well I guess it doesn’t matter now.”_

_Tony pushed the frittata around on his plate. “I don’t know,” Natasha pipped up. “Your soulmate could still be out there. Probably right under your nose.”_

_Now, Tony was never known to hurt a woman. He may be Howard's son, but he'd never stoop that low. Yet in that moment, his foot shot out in front of him, kicking Natasha’s shin. He was mildly impressed and equally annoyed to see she hadn’t even flinched._

_“I guess.” Steve replied, though his shoulders slightly hunched forward._

_Tony tried to finish his supper but found that the happy atmosphere at the beginning of dinner had vanished. His mama’s recipe had no longer appealed to him._

_He pushed his plate away and soon made his way down to the lab._

“Mr. Stark, your body has depleted itself of the essential vitamins and minerals associated with improper nutrition. You’re underweight and there is a high chance your immune system will be compromised due to infections should you continue this behaviour. Do you understand what you’re doing to your body Tony?” Dr. Lee questioned.

“Tony please say something.” Pepper begged. She turned to the doctor, rubbing a hand over her shoulder in a nervous manner. “We phoned his soulmates. We thought it’d help. He’s supposed to get better.”

“Soulmate bonds are tricky, Mrs. Potts.” Dr. Lee replied evenly. “While we know a lot about two-way bonds, unfortunately three-way bonds are quite rare and understudied. About four percent of the population has successfully located more than one of their soulmates. And while the general rules of proximity help with the healing process, I believe the unresolved tension in the room is only harming his health further.”

“I’m not leaving him.” Steve said, jaw ticking. “If that’s what you’re implying.”

"All I’m saying Captain is that I believe Tony’s situation stems from mental health issues that I am not equipped to deal with. Now, I’ve requested a psychologist that specializes in soul-bond counselling.”

“Who’s to say that’s going to get him to talk?” Rhodey asked. “Tony’s not spoken in over a week, and I bet he won’t start with a therapist. Trust me, he’s the most stubborn man I know.”

_Love you too platypus._

“It’s our best shot so far.”

Pepper wiped her eyes. Her face was set in a business-like fashion. “I want the best counsellor you have. I don’t care about the money; I’ll fly them out if I have to.”

“I’ve already contacted a registered psychotherapist who lives in the area, Mrs. Potts. They’ll stop by tomorrow afternoon.”

“And in the meantime?” She pressed.

“It all depends on Dr. Cooper’s thoughts on the matter. It may be in his best judgement that Tony undergoes force-feeding as a form of treatment. Of course, there’s always ethical and medical issues with that. Although Tony chooses not to speak, he still has mental rationale.”

“We can’t force him to eat, that’s cruel.” Pepper scolded. Rhodey placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze.

“How much time does he have left?” Barnes asked. Everyone turned to look at him. It was the first time he spoke up since the doctor walked in the room.

“I can’t give you a precise number Mr. Barnes. My guess is three weeks, maybe less.”

“Oh Tony.” Steve whispered, sitting back down. Tony turned his head to the side, catching a glance at the sorrowful look on the man's face. His fingers itched with the need to brush his fingertips alongside his cheek. He dug his nails into his palm once more, chastising the thought.

"The nurses will check on Tony in an hour." Dr. Lee informed with a sympathetic smile as she exited the room. Her heels clacked down the hallway.

The room felt painfully silent. Rhodey sat down, hands clasped together and elbows on his knees. "I want you to know this isn't just Tony who's going to therapy, it's both of you as well." He stated, looking towards both soldiers. "He's like this because of you."

"We're not leaving him." Steve repeated firmly.

Rhodey snorted. "Funny, I remember you saying something similar a year ago."

Steve's eyes softened; eyebrows pinched. He glanced down at his feet briefly before meeting Rhodey's eyes. "A lot happened that day, and I'm not saying that as an excuse. I was wrong; I should have handled this situation better. I don't expect your forgiveness, or Tony's, but I'm not leaving him."

“Your words don’t mean shit to me.” Rhodey scoffed. Pepper placed her hand over his shoulder.

Tony's eyes caught Barnes' from across the room. They were both silent as they stared at each other. Then, to Tony's surprise, the man gave the smallest of smiles. It looked forced, and Tony had to force himself not to snort at the fact that this man was once the most charming of all fellas in Brooklyn.

Of course, years of torture and brainwashing would damage anyone's psyche. Tony thought about how difficult it had to have been for one man to go through decades of abuse. He wondered how damaged he would have been if he spent another day in Afghanistan. Held down and shoved underwater until he choked, and a burning sensation creeping into his lungs.

‘Barnes must have been tortured like that’, he thought to himself.

Tony knew that junk metal attached to his arm had to be hurting if the man’s winces were anything to go by. Tony had seen the files from Natasha, hell he’d seen the winter soldier in action. The stories that Steve told him and the man who’d actively tried to attack both of his soulmates were two different people.

_“Jesus Christ,” Tony whispered, tossing the paperwork onto the workstation. He pinched his nose in frustration. “Hydra is officially my number one enemy.”_

_Steve looked as tired as Tony felt. Every lead was a dead-end. They were both running themselves ragged. “Come here sweetheart.” Steve said, arms open in invitation. Reluctantly, Tony crawled onto Steve’s lap. He hadn’t taken a shower in three days, but Steve didn’t seem to mind. He encircled his arms around Tony, who rested his head on Steve’s shoulder._

_“What if we can’t find him?” Tony whispered after ten minutes of resolute silence. He felt Steve’s arms tighten._

_Steve kissed his temple. “We will.”_

It was by shear guilt that Tony gave the smallest of smiles back. Barnes’ eyes flickered in surprise at the gesture, before a tinge of pink coloured his cheeks.

Tony glanced back at the wall and closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME!!!
> 
> LOOK AWAY IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT (also if you haven't seen it yet, what are you doing with your life?)
> 
> guys, when Tony came back from that spaceship and he was so tiny and frail that they had to hook him up to an IV drip, I legit was like "this is from my fanfic, they know". But seriously hurt Tony was such a mood. My poor little baby. 
> 
> How did you guys find the movie? I'm still depressed about it. Then again, my story is also depressing so... Hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! See ya soon. 
> 
> Love, peace, cheers!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter y'all

_Tony had just taken the three-cheese casserole out of the oven when the avengers walked in. Thor and Bruce, who had recently announced their soul-bond to the group, stood side-by-side. The god had his arm hooked over Bruce’s in a playful manner. Bruce pushed his glasses up self-consciously, a small blush making its way to his cheeks._

_“Well aren’t you two adorable.” Tony snarked affectionately._

_“That is very kind of you, man of iron.” Thor boomed, unashamed by the attention. Bruce, on the other hand, ducked his head into Thor’s chest. “What is the occasion for this feast?”_

_“Yeah, what’s the big deal Stark? I didn’t take you for the domestic kind of guy.” Clint piped up from behind the genius._

_Tony yelped. He spun around to face the smirking archer. “I’m getting you a bell birdbrain.” He scolded. “And this is a new tradition. We’re going to have dinner together every Sunday. Unless of course another alien invasion invades New York.”_

_“Don’t even joke about that Stark,” Natasha whispered in his ear. Tony screamed this time, hurtling forward and bumping into Steve. The super soldier caught him easily, warm hands steadying his shoulders. Tony spun around to glare at the redheaded assassin. She feigned nonchalance by leaning forward on the island. “I’m still cleaning Chitauri gunk out of my hair.”_

_“What is wrong with you two?” Tony demanded, slowing his breathing down. Damn assassins._

_“I think it’s a good idea.” Steve stated; arms crossed over his chest. “It’s a good way to bond as a family. We’re more likely to have each other’s backs in the field if we get to know the family dynamics of this team.”_

_“I don’t do family,” Natasha replied evenly. Regardless, she began setting the placemats on the table. Bruce grabbed the utensils, followed by Thor with the cups. Clint perched himself on the island._

_“Hey birdbrain, I roll dough on that surface. Get off.”_

_“Are you sure it’s not for your one-night stands?” Clint quipped back._

_“Well those too.” Tony smirked, receiving a frown from Steve. Tony rolled his eyes and smacked the man’s chest playfully. “Lighten up Cap, it’s called a joke. I’m sure you had those back in the forties.”_

_Tony had recently amended his short-lived feud with the leader of the team, but sometimes it annoyed him that Steve took everything seriously. Their personalities clashed on more than one occasion in field practices. Sometimes Tony thought Steve was so wound up he’d snap._

_It had only been a few weeks and already Tony was questioning Fury’s plan to have six superheroes living together._

_Tony tucked away his mama’s recipe back in his box, placed it in the cupboard, and locked it. Natasha raised her eyebrow. “Why the lock Stark?”_

_Tony placed the casserole on the table and sat down next to her and Steve. “It’s to keep noisy people like you and you,” Tony glared at Barton, “out of my personal life.”_

_“Oh, now I’m even more curious.” Clint smirked, eyeing the cupboard. “What do you have in there? Social security numbers? Memoires from one-night stands? Nuclear codes?”_

_“If you must know Legolas, I’ll tell you. That box is filled with my mom’s recipes.”_

_Clint snorted. “No way.”_

_“Yes way,” Tony snapped back defensively. “And I mean it, don’t go in there. If you do, I’ll have your ass on the streets before you can say ‘vibranium’.”_

_Natasha bit into her cheesy noodles and smiled. “That’s sweet. Tony’s a mama’s boy.”_

_“Not even ashamed about it.” Tony said. “I’ve learned the best life lessons from my mom. Like this one: when you’re happy, you celebrate with the right food. And because Rhodey and Pepper couldn’t make it, I guess you guys will do as company.”_

_“Normally, I’d object,” Clint began. “But this food is so good that I don’t even care what you’re saying Stark.”_

_Tony preened at the compliment. Everyone dug in. For a while all you could hear was forks clattering against plates. Then Thor began talking about some Asgardian mead that had Clint questioning the alcoholic percentage. Then a debate about which assassin could hold their liquor better._

_“Do I need to remind you what happened in Budapest?” Nat quipped with a sly grin._

_Clint grumbled, taking a swig of his beer. “You and I remember Budapest quite differently.”_

_“Everything okay Cap?” Tony whispered, nudging the man with his elbow. Steve blinked, looking over at Tony._

_“Huh?”_

_Tony nodded at the untouched plate of food sitting in front of the man. “You haven’t touched your food. I’m not that bad of a cook, am I?” He teased._

_“Oh,” Steve glanced down at his plate. “No Tony, sorry.” He mumbled shoving a forkful of pasta into his mouth. “It’s good really.”_

_“Thinking about Bucky huh?”_

_Steve swallowed. “That thing you said before, you know, about eating when you’re happy? What happens when you’re not… so happy?”_

_Huh._

_Tony had never thought about it that way._

Blondie took away Tony’s breakfast with a frown. It was comical really; she reminded him of a female version of Peter. Young and enthusiastic, trying her best to brighten Tony’s day. He made it a habit to start smiling more when she glanced at him.

Steve thanked the nurse as she left. She gave him a bashful smile on her way out. Steve sat next to Barnes, who seemed just as quiet as Tony was.

Steve had adjusted Tony’s pillow a few times, looking so happy to have helped that he continued to stand by Tony’s side until Barnes hinted at him to sit down.

They sat in silence for an hour. As time ticked away, Tony felt the increasing need to use the restroom. He tried to ignore the problem but there was nothing in the room to distract him.

He peeled the sheets off his body, catching Steve’s attention. He jolted in his seat. An automatic response to Tony’s movement. He caught himself quickly, relaxing back into his chair slightly. It was only when Tony swung his legs over the side of the bed that Steve leaned forward.

“Where are ya going?” Barnes’ asked, Brooklyn accent seeping in. His demeanour looked far more relaxed than Steve’s slightly panicked look.

Tony pointed his finger to the bathroom. He brought the IV pole in front of his body and used it as leverage to stand up. His knees instantly wobbled, and he fell backwards, hands digging into the bedsheets to prevent him from hitting the ground.

Both soldiers rushed to him immediately, but Steve was quicker. He grabbed Tony’s arm and helped him to his feet. Tony’s face heated instantly, but he was distracted by the dizziness that welcomed him when he stood.

He shut his eyes tightly, bringing his free hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He felt nauseous and weak. He regretted standing up in the first place.

The room wouldn’t stop spinning.

“Do you need me to get the nurse?” Steve asked.

Tony shook his head so hard his brain was pounding. No, he couldn’t call a nurse. It was bad enough Steve had to help him off the ground. Tony felt his body break out in a sweat. The urge to relieve himself intensified.

“Unless you want him to piss all over the floor, we better get moving.” Barnes’s voice stated somewhere to Tony’s right side.

“Right. Am I okay to put my hand on your waist Tony?” Steve whispered beside him. Tony nodded. He felt a warm hand sneak around his waist, calloused fingers brushing against his skin. “Okay, we’re gonna walk together Tony. Can you put your foot out for me?” Tony’s head lolled to the side. He groaned at the instant relief, sagging against Steve’s body. Steve’s face was spinning but he did his best to walk. His limbs felt tingly. Steve was holding him up like a puppeteer, guiding his every move.

He really tried to hold it in.

“Uh, Stevie.”

“Shit, Buck grab the pole.” Tony felt Steve scoop him up, dashing towards the toilet. They made it in three seconds, Steve fumbling with the lid. But the damage was done.

For a moment, all three stood side-by-side in silence. Hot liquid trailed down Tony’s thighs, most likely soaking Steve’s pants. All he could do was watch mouth parted as he tried to form words.

He glanced down to see a wet patch on his hospital gown. In a haste to get Tony to the toilet, Steve picked him up bridal style. One arm hooked around his back while his left arm secured him just below his bare ass.

Mortification coiled around his belly, tears blinding his eyes.

_Idiot, idiot, idiot._

He shifted and squirmed, body thrumming with the nervous energy to leave. He pushed hard at Steve’s chest; vision blurry in a haste to disappear.

“Shh,” Steve murmured, tightening his arms around Tony. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Accidents happen.”

Tony kept shaking his head in disagreement, body racked with whimpers.

“Oh Tony,” Steve choked, pressing his cheek to the top of Tony’s head. He pulled the man up closer to his chest. “That’s my fault sweetheart, I should have gotten you to the toilet a lot quicker. That’s on me okay?”

Tony wiped his eyes frantically, digging his palms into his eyes. He stuttered on a wet inhale, the air leaving his body on a choked gasp. Within seconds his frail body shook with tears. He bit the insides of his cheeks hard to prevent any embarrassing noises to escape.

Steve shot a pleading look with Barnes. “Buck, can you go get the nurse?”

Tony made a noise of protest, catching both super soldiers’ attention.

Barnes’s steps faltered. Tony’s spine curved inwards towards Steve’s chest. The open gown allowed Bucky a glimpse at the bones that protruded from his body. Steve’s hand curled around his ribcage.

Bucky’s stomach felt uneasy looking at the man.

“Tony, please the nurses need to know.” Steve begged. Bucky’s eyes shifted to Steve, secretly admiring how brave the man was acting, despite the nervous edge to his voice. The ex-assassin felt utterly useless as Steve’s pleading look transferred to his, silently begging him to help.

The whole situation was overwhelming. In Steve’s grasp, Tony had begun to thrash around like a wild animal, reminding Bucky of the soldiers who were tested alongside him.

_Furnace._

_Benign._

_Daybreak._

_Longing._

Bucky slid down the wall. He sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. Urine was potent in the room. He clenched his jaw, panic rising in his chest. He was immensely grateful he didn’t feel the winter soldier resurface; one of his biggest fears since his recovery.

Still, it didn’t stop the nervous look Steve threw his way.

‘ _Are you_?’ Steve mouthed; instinctively cradling Tony’s body closer to his chest.

Bucky shook his head, looking around the room for a distraction. Running out of options, he began to sing. Well, more of a humming noise than anything. He started slow, some melody in Russian. Honestly, he was just spewing words together at this point.

And he would have laughed right then and there at the surprised look Steve gave him if the circumstances weren’t so severe.

Tony went still in Steve’s hold. He glanced across the room to find Barnes sitting on the bathroom floor. He continued to cry, silently this time as Steve guided his breathing with soothing words.

“Hand on my chest Tony. Remember? Follow my breathing.” Tony placed his ear to Steve’s chest, followed by his frail hand. It looked like one of those skeletons him and Stevie saw on the neighbour’s porch on Halloween.

Bucky was aware of Tony’s panic attacks. Honestly, Steve talked so much about the engineer that Bucky could probably recite the man’s life story down to his shoe size.

“That’s it, Tony,” Steve soothed. “You’re doing so well sweetheart. So brave.”

Tony shivered at the compliment, ducking his head into Steve’s chest.

Slowly, Steve walked over to Bucky. He slid down the wall and settled beside Bucky with Tony cradled in his arms.

Tony’s feet brushed against Barnes’s on the way down. Instinctively, he curled them into his body and away from the man. Barnes didn’t take much offence to it as he continued to sing softly, his raspy voice lulling Tony into a state of calmness despite his racing heart of being so close to them.

Stupidly, he closed his eyes and basked in the comfort that he was in Steve’s arms once more. He sniffled as his ear pressed against the man’s chest. He listened to Steve’s heartbeat, body moving with the rise and fall of the soldiers breathing.

When the humming stopped, Tony opened his eyes. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“How’re you feeling?” Steve asked gently.

Tony snorted.

_Great, considering I just pissed all over you. Couldn’t be better._

“He’s making a stink face Stevie,” Bucky smiled. “To be fair, that was a stupid question. Wasn’t it doll?”

Tony felt his face grow hot at the pet name.

Steve chuckled. “I guess you’re right Buck.” He shifted a bit. “We should probably get changed though.”

Tony gripped his fingers into Steve’s shirt, tensing immediately. He knew it was disgusting sitting on a grown man’s lap while covered in urine. But he didn’t think he’d get the chance to be in Steve’s arms again. He sure as hell wasn’t going to ask him.

“Okay,” Steve said. He rubbed his hand down Tony’s back in circles. He turned to Barnes. “You got anymore songs?”

Fifteen minutes later, a bald man who looked to be in his late thirties peeked through the doorway. Steve quickly covered Tony’s indecency; arm splayed around his waist. The man glanced at the trio and the mess on the floor before offering a welcoming smile.

“Hello gentlemen.” He greeted. “Name’s George Cooper. I’ll give you ten minutes to recuperate. First session starts in ten.”

~*~

_The first time Tony had sex with Steve Rogers was after a gala event. Tony surprised himself by staying sober the entire night, a task difficult to prove when he felt like scratching his eyes out at every fake smile thrown his way._

_Fury said it was a way to establish normalcy between superheroes and civilians. To prove that the avengers had nothing to hide. We were just like everyone else. Except we weren’t. We had a demigod off on some unknown planet, two secret assassins scoping out the perimeters meticulously, a scientist who had the ability to turn into a green rage monster, and a centenarian who looked quite dashing in his military outfit._

_Just ordinary people._

_Tony observed his surroundings, finding Pepper talking to some man from Long Island. She looked relaxed from champagne, a slight flush rising to her cheeks. When she looked at him, Tony gave an encouraging thumbs up._

_He glanced over at Rhodey and sighed when he saw his best buddy was still talking to his military friends. It wasn’t that other people had tried to approach him, but Tony was always weary of meeting new people, scared he’d encounter his soulmates._

_“You know for a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, you look rather lonely.”_

_Tony observed the man in his military uniform. He was clean shaven, a hint of sandalwood wafting to his nose. “Well, I don’t have any drinks in me Cap. You should’ve seen me in my twenties.”_

_Steve smiled. “I’ve heard a few horror stories from Rhodey.” Steve gestured to the bar with a nod of his head. “Thought I’d keep you company, if that’s alright with you.”_

_Tony took a seat, waving the bartender off. “This isn’t some team leader pity is it?”_

_Steve took a seat as well. “I don’t pity you Tony.” He said earnestly._

_The genius groaned, running his hands through his hair. Great, Captain America felt so bad, he had to come chat with him._

_He’d really hit rock bottom._

_He glanced over a couple spots down to see a group of girls smiling at them. “Think you got some fangirls on your right Cap.”_

_Steve kept his eyes on Tony. “How do you know they’re not here for you?”_

_Tony snorted, thumbs twiddling together. “I think those day are long behind me. You, however, still look like a Greek God despite being born in what was it, 1920?”_

_“Eighteen.”_

_“Right. Remind me how that’s fair again? I’ll take a shot of truth serum right about now.”_

_Steve propped his forearm on the bar table, angling his body towards Tony. Despite growing up in the public eye, Tony despised when people stared at him. When Tony conversed with people, he could always fake his way through sarcasm and witty one-liners._

_But now, with Steve analyzing him, he felt the back of his hairs stand on end. All he could focus on was how close the Captain’s knee was to brushing up against his thigh._

_Tony thrummed his thumb against the table, the noise drowned out by the chatter that surrounded the bar. “Please tell me your idea of keeping me company isn’t staring at me all night.”_

_These days, Steve was quick to respond to Tony’s jabs. Whether he joked back or indulged in Tony’s teasing, it was getting increasingly difficult to get on Steve’s bad side. Yes, they squabbled occasionally, but Steve always sought Tony out after a fight. The Captain caught hold of his temperament easily. It was frustrating that Tony couldn’t get a rise out of him anymore._

_Because if Tony couldn’t push people’s buttons that means he’s at a disadvantage. A terrible tactic he’d learned from Howard._

_“I was wrong about you.” Steve finally said._

_Tony gave him a sideways look. “Wrong about what Capsicle?”_

_“Fury warned me about you before we met. Said that you’re a rich, entitled brat-”_

_“I’ll get JARVIS to send him a fruit basket.” Tony said dryly._

_“And I believed him.” Steve stated. “When we met on the helicarrier, I came in with a biased judgement. And that’s not to say you’re not a handful, because you most certainly are-”_

_“I’m sorry are you supposed to be making me feel better or worse?” Tony interrupted._

_“But,” Steve continued, “I was wrong. These meals that you’ve been making to bring the team closer together, it’s sweet. And for welcoming us into your home. You play it off that you don’t want us here, but something tells me you do.”_

_Tony turned to the side, facing Steve. “And why’s that Captain? Why don’t you enlighten me? After all, you seem to have all the answers.”_

_Steve watched him carefully. “You know, for someone who exudes so much confidence, you talk down to yourself quite often.”_

_Tony’s eyes crinkled in confusion. “Excuse me?”_

_“Look around Tony,” Steve told him, eyes scoping the room. “There’s not a person in this gallery that wouldn’t be thrilled to go home with you. Yet, you insist no one would want anything to do with you. You never degrade yourself to the point where it affects your public persona, but it’s enough for me to notice. Which just proves that you’re not the egotistical jerk I made you out to be.”_

_Tony stared into Steve’s eyes, looking for any trace of dishonesty. But the man was Captain America for God’s sake, the epitome of righteousness. The man couldn’t lie to save his life._

_“Well congratulations on your discovery Cap. That still doesn’t explain why I want you guys in my house.”_

_Steve rubbed his hand against his jaw, eyes thoughtful. “I’ve known you for a year and a half Tony. Besides Pepper and Rhodey, you don’t really have any friends. No offence. You have your bots and many loyal fans, but you spend most of your time in your lab. I think you secretly like spending time with us.”_

_Tony snorted, fingers itching for a shot of whiskey. “Guess you’re not just a handsome face after all.”_

_Steve rested his forearms on the table, giving Tony a toothy grin. “You think I’m handsome?” he teased._

_Tony rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah whatever. I’m heading back to the tower. You’re welcome to join.”_

Mortification ran deep in his bones. After being freshly changed by a nurse, Tony was helped back into bed. He felt exhausted, eyes drooping as Steve hesitantly adjusted his pillows before sitting next to Barnes.

The curtain had been drawn for privacy reasons. Mr. Cooper took a seat in front of Tony’s bed, one leg crossed over his left knee in a nonchalant fashion. He pulled out a notebook and began writing.

After about five minutes of silence, he cleared his throat and smiled. “So,” he began, “my name is George Cooper. I’ve been a registered psychotherapist in soul-bonding for twenty years. Although most of my clients are two-way soul-bonds, I have worked with three-way bonds and the challenges that arise. I must say, working with the most popular superheroes is new.” He chuckled.

Steve smiled, but Tony believed he was only being polite. Barnes hadn’t even looked up from the ground. Mr. Cooper seemed unfazed, straightening out his burgundy sweater as he placed the pen on his notebook. “Now, I’d like to get some background information before we begin. Mr. Rogers-”

“Steve is fine.”

“Alright Steve,” Mr. Cooper flipped through some pages, “It says here that you and Mr. Barnes- is it alright if I call you James?”

Barnes shrugged.

“That you and James were together prior to Project Rebirth?”

“Yeah, Buck and I grew up together. We found out on my seventeenth birthday.”

“I see. And at the time you both displayed Tony’s mark as well?”

“We didn’t know who it was, but yes. We knew we had a third.”

“Fascinating,” Mr. Cooper smiled, “To have a mark long before your soulmate was even born. Funny how fate has a way of working itself out.” He shuffled some papers around and glanced at Tony. “Dr. Lee has informed me that you haven’t spoken a word since you’ve been admitted. Would you be open to writing your answers on a white board?”

Tony shrugged his shoulders, looking around the room in boredom.

“He’s mad at us- me,” Steve began. “We left things off on a rough patch.” 

Mr. Cooper relaxed back in his seat, adjusting his jacket. “I see. And why is he mad with you Steve?”

“I kept something from him that I shouldn’t have. A secret.”

Mr. Cooper glanced at the man in question. “Is this true Tony?”

A short nod.

“And is this why you’re starving yourself?”

Tony shrugged.

“Okay, let’s back up. Steve, you had a relationship with James prior to going into the ice correct?”

“Yes.”

“And when you woke up in the twenty-first century, did you develop romantic feelings for Tony?”

“Yes.”

“Tony, would you say, at the time, those feelings were mutual?”

_Steve unbuttoned Tony’s jacket, tossing it on the chair. He had already lost his own jacket, standing in a navy-blue shirt._

_“Do you purposely buy shirts that are too small? We get it, you’re ripped.” Tony gestured to the captain’s upper body, letting out a low whistle. “God bless America.”_

_Steve snorted, pulling at his tie. “You’re complimenting me. You must be really tired.”_

_“I always compliment you.” Tony said, pawing at his own tie. “You’ve got a nice behind too.”_

_“Thanks Tony.” Steve batted Tony’s hands away and undid his tie. Then he began unbuttoning his dress shirt, leaving him in a tank top._

_“Trying to undress me Cap? Because I always dress to impress. Or is it undress to impress-”_

_“Tony?”_

_“Mmm?”_

_There was a smile to Steve’s voice. “Stop talking.”_

_Tony’s grin was cheeky. He fumbled with Steve’s dress shirt. “You staying the night again Cap?”_

_“As long as you’ll have me.”_

_Tony pushed the shirt off Steve’s shoulders, eyes going wide. “Wow, serum did you good. I got a question.”_

_Steve met his gaze wearily. “What?”_

_Tony stifled a laugh as he leaned in close to Steve’s ear. “Will you paint me like one of your French girls?”_

_Steve shoved him onto the bed, causing Tony to erupt in a fit of giggles. “Oh my God Steve your face.” He snorted, crawling to the front of the bed._

_Steve peeled the covers away from his side and slid in, giving Tony a look of disbelief. “You’re unbelievable.”_

_Tony shucked his pants off, getting underneath the covers as well. “Have you ever drawn Bucky naked? I bet you have.” When Steve’s face tainted red, Tony slapped his hand against the pillow. “No freaking way! Jesus how many times?”_

_“Tony” Steve grumbled, throwing his arm over his eyes._

_“Man, what I wouldn’t do to get my hands on that picture.” He mumbled to himself._

_Steve lifted his arm up. “Did you seriously just say that?”_

_“C’mon Cap. Bucky is hot. Can you blame a guy?”_

_Steve looked mildly offended. “What about me?”_

_Tony grinned. “Are you seriously getting jealous right now?”_

_“Not really.” Steve shrugged, looking back at the ceiling. “Bucky was a total catch. And those drawings were really good.”_

_“I’ll bet.” Tony mumbled setting his head on the pillow. They settled down into a comfortable silence. Steve watched him carefully. “What are you thinking about Cap?” Tony yawned._

_“Just how you looked tonight.” Steve whispered. “Your nose twitches when you speak to Justin Hammer.”_

_Tony smiled. “Justin’s an ass.”_

_“Bigger than you?” Steve teased._

_“Ego wise, yes. But literal ass? Nope, mine’s better. Top ten on Forbes magazine actually.”_

_“It is a nice ass.” Steve agreed._

_Tony threw him a coy look. “You coming on to me right now?”_

_“And what if I was?”_

_Tony’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. He sat up, staring at the man beside him. “You’re serious.”_

_“I know.”_

_Tony felt a spike of anger in his chest. “This isn’t funny Steve.”_

_Steve’s voice was eerily calm. “I’m not joking.”_

_Tony licked his dry lips in nervousness. “But Bucky-”_

_“I’m never going to stop loving him. That’s never going to go away. But I also believe he’d want me to move on.”_

_“What and I’m supposed to be the bed warmer?” Tony snapped._

_“I have feelings for you Tony. I have for a while.” Steve admitted, brushing curls away from Tony’s eyes. “I don’t want to pressure you into making a decision. But I want you to know that you’re not a substitute for Bucky.”_

_Tony stared at him for a long moment. “Did you really mean what you said tonight.”_

_Steve brushed his fingers alongside Tony’s cheek. “Every word.”_

_Tony laid down, fingers fumbling with the sheets. He threw Steve a pointed look. “If you fucking break my heart, I’ll send the Hulk on your ass.”_

_Steve chuckled, reaching out to kiss Tony on the lips. Tony’s eyes fluttered shut, parting for Steve as the soldier took full advantage, slipping his hand to cradle Tony’s neck. When he pulled away, he was slightly pleased at how breathless Steve looked, lips red and swollen._

_“Noted.” Steve murmured._

_Tony was truly embarrassed with how nervous he was._

_It’s not like he hasn’t had sex before._

_His fingers trembled as Steve undressed him, fingers splaying across the wide span of the soldier’s back. Steve’s skin was warm to the touch, his cheeks flushed slightly._

_He didn’t object when Tony refused to take his shirt off. Instead he kissed the corners of Tony’s mouth, his cheeks and his nose._

_Tony snorted, scrunching his nose up. “Should’ve known Steve Rogers would be domestic when having sex.”_

_Steve grinned, leaning down for a heated kiss that left Tony’s brain feeling foggy. He settled down between Tony’s legs, prepping him carefully. When he finished his eyes met Tony’s and softened._

_Tony diverted his gaze to the bedside table. “Don’t look at me like that.”_

_He could practically feel Steve’s frown. “Like what?”_

_Tony looked back at him. “Like that, with those eyes.”_

_Steve settled onto his forearms and nuzzled Tony’s nose. Tony snorted, shoving Steve’s face away half-heartedly. The latter chuckled, kissing Tony’s collarbone._

_“Tony?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“I’m nervous too.”_

_“Yeah?” Tony whispered._

_Steve gave him a reassuring smile. “Yeah.”_

_And that’s how Tony found himself caged between Steve Rogers with his heart pounding against his chest. Despite his best efforts, Steve had managed to weasel his way into Tony’s heart._

_They took it slow. Tony felt like he was bordering both euphoria and a panic attack. Everything felt intense emotionally as it did physically. Steve did most of the work, rocking them together, setting a rhythm. He kept his eyes on Tony the whole time, kissing him slowly._

_He paused briefly to wipe Tony’s tears away with the pad of his thumb._

_“I’m sorry” Tony chuckled wetly, embarrassment coiling deep within his tummy._

_Steve caressed his cheek. “How’re you feeling?”_

_“S’ a lot. I feel a lot.”_

_“You’re beautiful. Do you want me to stop?”_

_Tony shook his head, hooking his legs around Steve’s waist. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”_

_When they finished, Steve held him close. He gathered Tony’s trembling body under his chest and covered him with blankets. He rubbed his hand up and down Tony’s back and kissed his forehead. “Promise me you won’t run away.”_

_Tony shook his head, kissing Steve’s shoulder. He burrowed deeper into the bed, wrapping a hand around the man’s waist._

_“I won’t.”_

Tony picked at the fluff on his blanket, fingers twitching.

“Did you know Tony was your soulmate prior to initiating sexual intercourse?” Dr. Cooper asked.

“No,” Steve said. “I didn’t know.”

_Tony woke up feeling pleasantly sore and relaxed. He turned to his side to see Steve snoring softly on his back, both hands hanging limply at his sides. He grinned like a cheeky idiot._

_Happiness bubbled up within Tony’s chest as he perched on his side. He was about to lean over to kiss Steve awake when his eyes caught black ink on Steve’s upper thigh. He froze immediately, staring at the patch of naked skin before settling on his forearms to get a closer look._

_The bed dipped slightly. Tony glanced up to make sure Steve remained asleep before lifting the sheet a little higher._

_His throat felt dry. There, on Steve’s thigh engraved the similar markings Tony used to see on his own body. His body broke into a cold sweat, the desire to leave clawed at his chest._

_When Steve woke up, he immediately curled onto his side. He patted the bed, frowning at the cold spot. He opened his eyes to see crumpled sheets in front of him._

_“Tony?” He called out._

_Fear gripped him like a vice when he received no answer. He glanced at the bathroom, listening for running water. He could practically hear that he was alone on the floor._

_“JARVIS?” He said quietly._

_“Sir left this morning at 6:58am. His whereabouts are unknown Captain, though he remains unharmed.”_

_Steve nodded his head. “Thanks JARVIS.” He murmured._

_He got up and made the bed quietly, smoothing out the sheets from last night’s activities. He hesitated with Tony’s pillow, bringing it up to his nose. He inhaled Tony’s scent as tears prickled his eyes. He placed the pillow back down on the bed._

_Then Steve left the room like he was never there to begin with and set about his day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seems like it's always one step forward and two steps back. Let me know what you guys think.
> 
> Peace, love, cheers!

**Author's Note:**

> So i figured I'd give you guys chapters instead of a long one-shot. That being said, I can't post till I'm done exams (end of april). leave some comments if you liked it! I'd love to hear your input on this story. 
> 
> Peace, cheers, love!


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